Hungry?

Well this photographic year has been more about the food and less about the babes. Which also seems to be the theme of my life. But that’s another story. So far, it’s Willamette Week dish reviews keeping me busy. And boy am I not complaining. We all know this town is jam packed full of amazing food (so much so that when I go anywhere else I’m a complete snob). My two favorites which win for good food and best light are Tortalandia off Foster and Luc Lac Kitchen downtown. Let me rephrase: Tortalandia had the best natural light and Luc Lac’s lack (yeah, that just happened) of light challenged me to make a flash look good. Which is hard. And I feel good about my accomplishment. But seriously, is every new restaurant in Portland going to be rad? I guess so. 

Carne Asada Torta, Tortalandia, Portland

Luc Lac Kitchen, Portland

WHERE THE BABIES AT?

 

So this is new year.

There is nothing worse than sitting down to write a blog and not knowing where to start. And it’s not like I have a lot to say to the point where I need to really organize all my millions of (probably 5) thoughts. Well might as well just word vomit all over you and get it done with. 

2012 has been fine so far. I see some common themes coming up in many of my conversations. Ideas such as no expectations, mindfulness, and patience to carry us through this year really make me happy. One yoga teacher had us do a nice exercise where we chose our intention for the new year and then pretended that intention was already in full effect as we moved through our practice. I’ve tried to keep that intention in mind always as if it were old hat. 

Movement Class, Gem Studio, Portland

Patience has always been a problem (?) of mine. Before cancer I was constantly rushing to get stuff done to make room for more stuff to the point where there were no breaks (unless you call drinking at a bar all night a break). Patience and mindfulness whether it’s in my workout or in a photo shoot are key to making life better. Making things better. Literally, everything is better with patience. But you already know this. Moving on…

My holiday was mostly good and pretty much uneventful. I spent it in California with family and this guy:

Echo, Christmas 2011

Thank you and goodnight. ARE YOU KIDDING? He’s amazing and I’m sorta related to him in some distant, far off way. Who cares? He’s cute. Still photographing the kids which I totally love. It’s a workout! Really want to expand the age range of the kids. Where are all the 8 year olds in this town?

The new year is all about getting organized and getting new work! Hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are back in the thick of things (I say that in the nicest possible way).  

 

Here’s the deal…

The deal is I’ve been cancer free for one whole year. Like in three days. November 17. That’s the real date. But I write today because my CT scan from Friday came back clear and this makes my day more than you could possibly know. Best birthday present ever. Even better than the rad book Liz gave me on Saturday called Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. It’s a close race though. Oh, yeah, birthday. That’s tomorrow. The new me wouldn’t be spreading the news like wildfire but it just so happens to coincide with my first surgery (2 years ago!) and my last chemo treatment a year ago so it’s like a whole clusterfuck of things to celebrate.

What else? I could just end here and that would be a good enough blog entry. But I guess I’ll talk about photography for a second. Mostly been spending my days making babies laugh. Literally, this is my job. Not so bad. About ready to really put myself out there amongst the moms around town. This year has been sort of a practice run for babies. They seem to like me ok so I’m going to run with it. Also finally got my foot in the door at Willamette Week. They rule it. So fun to shoot for and it feels good to have my photos in print again.

Too much positivity for one blog? Yeah I thought that too. So not like me. Eh, fuck it. I’ll just do it this one time, kay?

Tidbits of This

August 1st! I remember this day a year ago. Such a nervous wreck preparing for my first round of chemo the next day (which ended up being on the 4th but you can read about that in a previous entry). I had buckets and hand sanitizer and all kinds of shit in fear of throwing up. All this but also trying to enjoy what felt like the last day of my life. It was a weird day.

But today. Now that’s different. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I have nothing really on my plate for the day. I’m sure that will change but at 9am all I have to do today is exercise. And that’s a good thing (think Martha Stewart right there). Gem Studio is still my stomping ground (literally) for most things exercise. Also shooting there a bunch this year. Just photographed a class about the Alexander Technique which was interesting but also confusing. Something about relaxing the neck…which I find next to impossible. Here’s Laurie helping Robert relax his neck as he sits.

Still photographing babies among other portraits and such. It feels good. There are things I notice about the way I work as a photographer that need changing. Amazing how I can actually take a step back and observe. Actually kind of creepy a little bit. I’m criticizing myself as I am shooting like a really bad assistant by my side. I think I need a live-in model to practice on. And there goes my Criminal Minds mind considering abduction as the best plan. ANYWAY, here are some images from my first pregnancy photo shoot with Amy Ouellette and Jason Hughes, their son Oscar and dog Buster.

Looking forward to enjoying the fall as it creeps up on us. Makes for beautiful pictures with great backgrounds. Bring it on!

That shit is b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

And when I say “shit” I mean “cancer”. Is it me or everyone doing it? I contemplate this every day. Like, is it because I had cancer that I tend to find out everyone else is being diagnosed or going through treatment or just died from that mean mean monster? Is it? Or, is everyone actually getting cancer these days? When I find out someone hasn’t had cancer and they are half way through their life I’m a bit surprised. That’s fucked up!! Why do I think like that??

This week has been cancer in my face week. And that’s cool and all but when someone has a cancer that actually kills, that is not cool. In my selfish sort of way I feel like this pioneer that can give a new cancerite advice and show them how fine they can be after a while. But some can’t. Some one up me with a diagnosis of terminal cancer. Oof. That makes my heart sink. When you get an expiration date stamped on your forehead, it becomes a whole other ball game. After working a day with a woman my age who had cancer at 22, and comparing stories with the boss at Iridio, Mike LaRoche, who is chemo bald as we speak, our friend Jerry stopped by after a good round of brain surgery to inform us of his surprising diagnosis. He was working as the set builder at Iridio until he went in for sinus surgery only to find out he had tumors in his brain. And they are killing him quickly. What? This baffles me. And since there were no symptoms I wonder how many other people have tumors that are killing them. He starts chemo next week and then we party with him on June 4th. He’s so strong and laughing and still having his Jerry sense of humor.

Some days I forget I ever went through all that I did. I never thought I’d say that. Some days friends say “I can’t believe you did that, Amaren. You are so strong” and I think eh, it was no big deal. I’ve denounced the cancer and treatment to a walk in the park. And it’s so not.

Hang on Scoopy

Oh. Hello.

I just got home. Sun and surf Santa Cruz style sucked me in for the past 11 days. Now I know why it’s called California dreamin’. Luckily I also got to experience something so beautiful and amazing. My boyfriend’s (Luke) brother’s (Joe) wife (Mikala) had a baby (Echo). My first nephew!

I call him Scoopy. I don’t know how that happened but it just fell out of my mouth when I saw him. And I’m going to make it stick. Scoopy and I love each other I think. I taught him to suck his thumb. Also, he only liked sucking my finger. Seeing as I am back in Portland, I am sure he’s learned to suck someone else’s finger by now.

Hanging with Echo and his family for a week was so special. He was a joy to watch all the time. Observing the way his parents transformed into…well, parents was mind boggling. It really is instinctual. Seriously pretty fascinated right now, even still, alone in my house 700 miles away. It was a great opportunity to sharpen my baby photography skills. Getting pictures of someone in their first hour of life is quite an accomplishment no matter how often it occurs.

Other family members hanging at the property…they just couldn’t resist taking advantage of the live-in photographer.

I’m looking forward to watching Echo grow up. He means a lot to me. Luke got this little pic of Echo and I together.

Oh and I have hair now for real like.

Next Order of Business…

Well, cancer, it’s been real. Thanks for coming over for a visit but I really hope you don’t return. You got what you came for and left me with a new disposition.

Now! Onwards and upwards…slowly. Hair is back. Strength is improving weekly. Memories are still clear but I’m able to work with that. Time to go back to real life or, I guess, “normal” life. Real life was the cancer part. “Normal” life is the work part. Work. Hmmmm. Feels so weird to have gone through something so nuts and then, after only a year and a half, having to go back to trying to find work…same as before. Oof, just the thought brings up feelings of boredom. I mean, who cares??? Sorry, this isn’t making sense.

I’ve decided to focus my photography on children. Arriving in Oregon 8 years ago, I found work at a lame children’s photography studio called Kiddie Kandids (god, that name is just awful). Although the pay was bad, the commute too long, and the uniforms ridiculous, I did learn much needed skills for photography. Not in a technical sense but more in relation to making children smile and making a fool of myself in order to get the shot moms would coo over. That sort of inhibition helped me to become a more social person in general. Anyway, now that most everyone I know is getting married, getting pregnant, and having babies, I figure why not document these new little lives? Makes me so excited!

Right now my best girlfriend from college is in town. Krista is pregnant. Big surprise. In fact, I’m almost positive she’s sick of me introducing her and then immediately announcing there’s a child in her belly. But honestly, it’s only because the person I am introducing her to is also with child. They have something in common! Hanging out has been nice as we seem to be on the same energy level…me post chemo, and her post first trimester. Pregnancy pics here we come! But first, we eat.

Soon I will come up with some basics for my new endeavor…price list, website, and a name (suggestions welcome). Basically I just want to get to shooting and as soon as possible. I miss it! Using my iPhone to capture my cats being cute is getting old.

Rebornish

God damn I feel good! Energy is coming back, hair is coming back, memory is coming back, strength is coming back…the only things not coming back are my ovaries.

I think I promised I wouldn’t write about my health in this blog so just pretend all those words up there aren’t here. One of my favorite places to be is Gem Studio. I go there for yoga and just recently resumed my strength training in a class called Group Fit with Susanne Wells. As I get back into the swing of things, I am also starting to shoot more. For almost 2 years I have been photographing Gem Studio and the classes that go on there. Susanne asked me if we could do a little Jack LaLanne tribute with a simple chair and towel. Done. She is also teaching a Jack LaLanne tribute workout class tomorrow morning (Saturday) at 10am using just a chair and towel. Should be fun and a great way to celebrate a fitness pioneer!

N.E.D. (the name of my first surgeon’s band…)

Blogs are hard. I love writing this one. I love reading some peoples’. I cannot keep up with mine! I don’t even have a job right now and I cannot find the time to do this…how do real people take care of it? Maybe if I didn’t have three kids (cats, whatever, same thing) to clean up after, I would have a billion hours to write about…myself.

Let me fill you in. I actually have something to say instead of just babbling on cause I like to be witty. Three weeks (?) after my last chemo, I went in for my CT scan to see if there was any cancer in there. Oof, was I nervous. Luckily it wasn’t like the one I had in Texas where I had to drink like 24 oz. of this milky substance (barium) flavored with “berries”. Blegh. Gag. Oh and they also shot some of that up my butt…wow, this is really turning into a porn. Sorry. Anyway, this time it was just water with contrast in it. M.D. Anderson really needs to get on the ball with this good stuff. So I get my scan which takes less that five minutes (no barium up the butt!) and I’m outta there. Next day doc calls with a chipper voice and I knew. They looked at the scan (which included my chest, abdomen, and pelvis) and there is no evidence of disease! I was sitting alone at my dining room table and got off the phone and didn’t do anything. I don’t even remember smiling. Was just sort of stunned to be ok. Next thing? Oh, I posted that shit on facebook! Then I called my parents. My priorities are aligned correctly.

My hair is slowly growing. SO SLOWLY. I can’t even get a good picture of it to show you. I look like an albino new born duckling. Yep, that about sums it up.

Making plans for this new year. Not going to share any of them because I don’t like to jinx things. Still trying to get these thank you notes done from the JAM for AM. Starting to exercise. Sore from yoga three days ago. LAME.

Hopefully from here on out I can write about other things than my disease. Hope everyone had a wonderful new years!

THANK YOU!!

You guys, I’m done! I finished my sixth round of chemo almost 3 weeks ago. Can you believe it? I can’t and I guess that’s all that matters. Tomorrow would have been my 7th treatment. But, instead of spending the day at the hospital, I’m going to be photographing Luke with his shirt off and a jar of tuna juice in his hand (don’t ask). Actually, I am not sure which option I like better.

Anyway, as I hastily mentioned in my last blog, my friends threw me a benefit. It went off without a hitch (at least as far I know)! So many people showed up and raised $7,000 for my medical bills (all spent yesterday). There was a silent auction with over 40 donations! Then 4 bands played their asses off. I made it until midnight, one band too short. The generosity of people was out of this world! Now I am second guessing my whole cynical personality I’ve had going on for years.

Me excited at JAM for AM!

I wish I could thank everyone individually! I will try in the coming weeks with the massive amounts of Thank You notes I will be writing. But, so many people I don’t even know donated silent auction items, money, or even just their time. THANK YOU!!

These days I stress about what I eat and drink a glass of wine a night to ease the stress. My parents have left us to shop and fend for ourselves. I have a bunch of plans for when I have more energy. For now, I’m really into reading my book.